小学英语情景剧剧本 （一） 旁白：Long long ago, there were three little pigs living with their mother. They were very happy and they were very kind to their friends. Look! They are coming! （情景一：猪妈妈和三只小猪在森林里快乐的玩耍）（加快乐的音乐 ） M: babies, Come on! Pp:Here we come! M: Let’s do some exercises. Lift your arms. Bend your knees. Touch your toes. P1:Mom, look! We’re so strong! （伸出胳膊，亮出肌肉）三个小猪比健美 P2: Yes, I am strong! P3:Yes, I am strong! M:Yes! My babies! You should have your own house! Pp:Ok! I’d love to. M:You can do it! Ps:Yes! We can! Yeah! （做成功的动作） 旁白：The three little pigs make three houses. They all think their own house is the best! But the wolf is coming! He is very hungry! （音乐） W:Gu,gu,gugugu. I’m very hungry. Oh, I sniff the pig’s smell. Aha! I have a good idea! （来到第一只小猪的门前敲门） Little pig, little pig, let me come in! P1: No! You are bad wolf! W:Then I ‘ll huff and blow your house down . （吹一下，房子倒了，小猪突然发现，吓了一下，逃跑） P1:Oh! Help! Help! My brother! Please help me! （迅速进入第二只小猪家，然后马上关门） P2: Don’t be afraid! W:Little pig, little pig, let me come in! P1&P2:No! No! W:Then I ’ll huff , blow your house down! （狼鼓足气吹一下，房子有点摇晃，又吹一下，两只小猪堵着门，挣扎之后，房子倒了） p1p2:Oh, my god! Let’s run away, run away! （跑到第三个小猪家的床底下哆嗦） P1:The wolf is very strong! P2:He wants to eat us! P3:My god, help me! （ 三只小猪都在床底下） W:Little pig, little pig, let me come in! P1P2P3:No! W:Open the door! I can get the house down! （吹一下，没动，鼓足又吹一下，迟疑了一下） Why? （最后吹三下，开始喘气了，然后倒地） p1p3p2:Yeah! We are safe now! 旁白：The wolf is very angry! He has a good idea! He climbs up the chimney! P1&P2&P3:Oh! Look! The wolf! P1:How to do? （开始转着跑） P2:MOM !Where are you? （哭着说） P3:Don’t worry! Let’s put the wood into the fire! P1p2p3:Ok, 123… W :（掉进火里挣扎） oh ! No! P1p2p3:The wolf is dying! We succeed! yeah ! 结尾曲 （完） 小学英语情景剧剧本 （二） 人物 黄山 男 11 岁 黄山市小学五年级学生 诺娜 女 10 岁 美国小学生 时间 2008年7月 地点 黄山家 [幕启：黄山手捧一束鲜花，边唱"
春天在哪里"
边上。
把鲜花插在花瓶中] 黄山：[对观众]你问我今天为什么这么高兴？我告诉你吧，美国小学生夏令营活动在我们黄山市举办，美国小朋友要和黄山小朋友开展手拉手、交朋友活动。
班主任老师告诉我有一位美国小朋友要到我家来住几天，由我向他介绍黄山市的风景和民俗。
[看表]哟快8点了，我该到学校接他了。
[急勿勿下，正好与上场的诺娜撞着] 诺娜：对不起，请问这是黄山同学的家吗？ Excuse me. Is this Huangshan’s home? 黄山：请问你是------- Yes. And you? 诺娜：我叫诺娜，是来和你手拉手的。
Nice to meet you. My name is Nona. I’m your partner in the "
Hand-in-hand"
program. 黄山：[对观众]怎么是个女生！ A girl! 诺娜：怎么？不欢迎？ Is there anything wrong? 黄山：[感到失态]不，不，欢迎，热烈欢迎。
请进------ No, of course not. You are warmly welcomed here. Please come in. 诺娜：[打量屋子]这屋子真漂亮。
What a nice house! 黄山：[倒茶，递茶给诺娜]请喝茶。
Please have some tea. 诺娜：[不解地]茶是什么东西？怎么不让我喝水？ What’s this? Can I just have water, please? 黄山：噢！茶就是用茶叶泡的水。
Oh! Tea is boiled water with tea-leaves in it. 诺娜：茶叶又是什么东西？ Then what are tea-leaves? 黄山：茶叶就 是茶树上长的叶子，.我们黄山市有屯溪绿茶和祁门红茶，我妈说茶有很高的医药作用呢。
The tea-leaves are growing in tea plants. We have Tunxi Green Tea and Qimen Black Tea here in Huangshan. My mother says tea has high values for our health. 诺娜：呀！茶有这么多好处呀，[一口把杯中水喝光] Wow! So good tea is! 黄山：好喝吗？ How does it taste? 诺娜：好极了，[忽想起]哎，黄山不是一座山吗？怎么你也是山？ Wonderful! Hey, Huangshan is a mountain here, isn’t it? Are you also a mountain? 黄山：黄山确实是一座山，但它不是一般的山，那是神仙住的地方，有奇松、怪石、温泉、云海。
------景色太美了。
所以我爸爸就给我起名叫黄山。
Yes. Huangshan is indeed a mountain, and not only an ordinary mountain. We believe that many gods live there. You can see strangely-shaped pines, queer stones, hot springs, sea of clouds, etc, in the mountain. It’s amazingly beautiful. So my father named me after the mountain’s name, Huangshan. 诺娜：噢，太美了，我也要去黄山。
黄山：来，[递本画册给诺娜]黄山的风景都在上面。
Come here, you can see sceneries in Huangshan in this book. [诺娜接过画册。
黄山欲倒水，发现水瓶里没水了，提瓶下。
] 诺娜：[聚精会神地看画册，不时自言自语]太美了。
太美了！[情不自禁地]黄山，我爱你！ Oh, it’s so beautiful! Huangshan, I love you! 黄山：[正巧提水瓶上。
听到诺娜叫声，误解地]不，不，我们小学生不能说你爱我，我爱你的。
No, no. We pupils can not say "
you love me"
or "
I love you"
. 诺娜：不，不，我不是说爱你，我是说爱中国的黄山。
No, no. I don’t mean you. I mean Huangshan Mountain in China. 黄山：噢， 你是说爱黄山的风景呀！ Oh, you mean sceneries in Huangshan Mountain. 诺娜：是的。
Yes. 黄山：黄山不仅是中国的，也是世界的，世界人民都爱黄山。
Huangshan Mountain does not only belong to China, but also belongs to the world. People in the world all love Huangshan. 诺娜：我不仅爱那个大黄山，也爱你这个小黄山。
And I don’t only love that big Huangshan, but also you little Huangshan. 黄山：[急了]你还这么说？[递 过茶杯] Hey, how could you say that again?! 诺娜：[接过茶杯]黄山风景美 ,黄山茶好喝，黄山人更好，黄山的'
小朋友真可爱，我说错了吗？ In Huangshan, there are beautiful sceneries, tasty tea, nice people and lovely friends, am I right? 黄山：我们永运是好朋友！ Yes, we are friends forever! 诺娜：对，我们永运是----------- Yes, we are friends…… 合：好朋友！ Forever!!! 剧终 小学英语情景剧剧本 （三） 人物：小沈阳 红太狼 灰太狼 主题：保护野生动物 主打幽默减压 第一幕 （2号追光打旁白）大幕在旁白说的同时拉开 第一幕 大幕在旁白说的同时来开 旁白：Here is a beautiful forest. Some wolves live here. There is a famous wolf—灰太狼。
Because he can’t catch the sheep. He is always hit by the pan. He must do everything. Oh, my, god. His wife is coming. Let’s go. （红太狼翘着二郎腿坐在台中央）：Come here, my arms are so bad, touch my arms. 灰太狼（低头上台 双手高举 给红太狼做猛烈按摩）：Are you OK? 红太狼：No,Go to catch many sheep. 灰太狼：You know the men catch a lot of sheep.There is no sheep. 红太狼：There is no sheep. There is no thing in the word. Don’t lie. Look at the pan（亮出平底锅） 灰太狼：No,no,no. I go ,I ,go.（跑走）（红太狼撅嘴，扭着下台） 第二幕 （灰太狼做护头状跑步上台） 灰太狼：Wow,wow,. My head,my head. 小沈阳（举旗跑来 伸手挥舞）：Oh, it’s an forest. How sunny! How lovely.（青蛙叫） 旁白：That’s a toad. 小沈阳（转头看）：Who is so hate? （走到舞台中央 配音"
pia pia 地"
）：Hello,everyone. My Chinese name is 小沈阳。
My English name is 小沈阳。
小沈阳：（鼓掌上，边上边说）dance well! Dance well! Ha,Ha.Let me sing a song foryou. What? What? Where’s my paper?（低头找歌词） 灰太狼（躲在道具后面，探出头说）：Wow !He isn’t a hunter. Oh! N0 gun…（跳出来）Hahaha.Days without me! I don’t eat sheep but I can eat him（悄悄绕到小沈阳后面） 小沈阳：小鸟对我笑 ……（狼嚎） 小沈阳：Oh, my god! What’s the matter? Who?Who? （灰太狼踱到小沈阳后面 拍了他的肩膀）：哭尼奇哇！ 小沈阳：（吓一跳 转头 揉眼）Who are you? 灰太狼：Your wolf brother…… 小沈阳（激动地拽住灰太狼的爪子 到处呼拉）：Oh, oh, you are langlang. Play the piano at the concert!哎呀， I 服了 YOU. Help! Help! Don’t let him run away! 灰太狼（深沉地）：Where are your eyes? You can’t run away this time! 小沈阳：Oh! My mother god! You see see! My eyes don’t open now!（头耷拉下来） 灰太狼：In fact, your life is too short,short…The eyes don’t open, your life is over. 小沈阳：Goodbye,mother,father,brothe,sister,classmates. （灰太狼把小沈阳拉走） 第三幕 灰太狼（自言自语）：Wife,wife,where are you? 旁白：She went out just now. 灰太狼：（咬牙切齿地说）The red wolf is not at home,come out, babies. （众狼上场 歌舞）：别看我只是一只狼 肥肉因为我变得更香 …… 小狼1:Uncle hui ,the man wakes up. 小沈阳：（迷迷糊糊地）：Where am I? 众 狼：The wolf’s house. 小沈阳：There is no building on the earth? 灰太狼：Xu……The red wolf is not here, I can’t eat you. 小沈阳：Who can eat me?I kill it. 灰太狼：Look,look,you are so stupid. There is nothing ,what can you do? 小沈阳：I have a gun. 灰太狼：Gun?（惊慌状）Don’t say it,Now, look at yourself.Sometimes you kill the animal with the gun. You are an evil. 小沈阳：呦呦呦，look at your words. You are the bad animal in the forest. 众 狼：Go out!!! （黑场）（小提琴）（灰太狼及众狼低头抹泪） 灰太狼：You, you killed our brothers. 小狼2:Every day we sleep with the dead. 小狼3: we run and cry. 小狼4:we miss the happy life. 小狼5:we hide everywhere, see the tiagedies. 小狼6:The legs of sheep were hit. 小狼7:The skin of bear was cut. 合：we all live under one sky, but the lives are different. 小沈阳： I can’t bear it really! 灰太狼：Really 小沈阳（小声嘀咕）：Who can bear that? 灰太狼（激动地）：Really? I can’t believe there is a good man. 小沈阳：You are poor,too. I know you,brother, one is a hunter, the other is the red wolf. You are a hamburger! 灰太狼（高兴地与小沈阳握爪子）：We are good friends. 小沈阳：It sounds strange! {吉祥三宝调} 灰太狼：狼心？ 灰太狼：什么时候人类不再疯狂？ 小沈阳：过几年 灰太狼：什么时候动物不再流浪？ 小沈阳：不知道 灰太狼：什么时候我不用再害怕？ 小沈阳： 不清楚 灰太狼：什么时候才能成为和谐的一家…… 小沈阳： 狗肺？ 灰太狼：干吗？ 小沈阳：什么时候我们能再见面？ 灰太狼：不知道 小沈阳：什么时候 （双追光）（枪声）{林俊杰——杀手}街舞——猎人双舞（最后拿枪瞄准灰太狼及众狼）：去死吧！（全是慢动作表演） （猎人出场 其中一个揉眼睛）：Oh, I don’t have glasses. OK. hit anyone（举枪射击）（幻灯片显示子弹 灰太狼高举双手 扑向小沈阳 痛苦地嚎叫） （1号追光）灰太狼（深情自白）：Some animals go out.There are no animals. Where are your kindness!!!{张栋梁——北极星的眼泪}（高潮部分缓慢倒地） 小沈阳：My mother!!! （两猎人~舞者）上前搀扶小沈阳 小沈阳愤怒地甩开他们的手 掩面退场） 旁白：The wolf hit by the gun. We will see the wolf in the books.When there is no hill, no river,there will be no children,men or women. Please do something for the animals.让我们一起来保护野生动物！。
Three Little Pigs 三只小猪 Mother pig: You have grown up. You must make 猪妈妈：你们已经长大了，你们得 your own houses. 为自己盖间房。
Goodbye, little pigs. Build a house. 再见，孩子们。
去盖间房。
Be careful of the wolf. 小心狼。
Pigs: Yes, Mum. Goodbye. 三只小猪：好的，妈妈。
再见。
Wolf: I’m hungry. Look! Three little pigs 狼：我饿了。
看，三只小猪可 for dinner. Mmm. 以做我的美餐。
Sister pig: What are you doing, brothers? 猪妹妹：哥哥，你们在干什么？ Ding-Ding: I’m building a house with leaves. 丁丁：我在用树叶盖房子。
Dong-Dong: I’m building a house with sticks. 东东：我在用树枝盖房子。
Sister pig: But leaves aren’t strong. 猪妹妹：可是树叶不牢固。
树枝也不 And sticks aren’t strong. 牢固。
Brother pigs: Yes, we know. But it’s easy. 猪哥哥：我们知道。
但它很容易。
What are you doing, sister? 你在干什么？ Sister pig: I’m building a house with bricks. 猪妹妹：我在用砖头盖房子。
Brother pigs: Bricks! That’s very difficult. 猪哥哥：用砖头盖，那太难了。
Sister pig: I know. But bricks are strong. 猪妹妹：我知道，可是砖头很坚固。
…… Brother pigs: Oh, we’re finished. Let’s have 猪哥哥：噢，我们盖好了。
我们打 a nap. 个盹吧。
Sister pig: My house is finished. My house 猪妹妹：我的房子盖好了，我的房 is strong. 很坚固。
Wolf: Little pigs. Little pigs. Open your 狼： 小猪，小猪，快开门！ Doors! Brother pigs: No. No. Go away. 猪哥哥：不开，不开。
快走开。
Wolf: This is very easy. Sticks and leaves 狼：这太容易了。
树枝和树叶 aren’t strong. 都不牢固。
Storyteller: The wolf blows the houses down. 讲故事者：狼吹倒了房屋。
丁丁和东 Ding-Ding and Dong-Dong run 东跑到龙龙家。
to Long-Long’s house. Brother pigs: Help! Help! 猪哥哥：救命! 救命! Wolf: Stop, you two pigs. 狼： 站住，你这两只小猪。
Brother pigs: Open the door, sister. The wolf 猪哥哥：妹妹，快开门。
狼来了， is coming. Let me in. 让我们进去。
Long-Long: Come in, please. Don’t worry. 龙龙：快进来。
别担心，我的 My house is strong. 房子很坚固。
Wolf: Where did they go? Oh they are 狼：他们跑哪儿了？噢，他们 Here. Little pigs. Little pigs. Open 在这儿。
小猪，快把门打 the door! 开。
Three pigs: No. No. Go away. You bad wolf. 三只小猪：不开，不开。
快走开。
你这只恶狼。
Wolf: I’ll blow it down. 狼：我要吹倒它。
Storyteller: The wolf blows and blows. He 讲故事者：狼吹呀吹，它不停地吹。
blows and blows. But the house 可是房子非常坚固。
is very strong.。
下面选选吧：Q: What'
s the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can'
t have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。
但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；
而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。
Corn既可以表示“玉米/
谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。
你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。
虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。
干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "
Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。
在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。
这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。
” Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It'
s no use, my little dog can'
t read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。
” Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'
m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
The mean man'
s party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "
Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"
Why use my elbow and foot?"
"
Well, gosh,"
was the reply, "
You'
re not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。
他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。
门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。
” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。
天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
Advice for "
Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"
Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。
如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。
因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。
每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。
” Which woman? One evening I drove my husband'
s car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."
The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "
Mom'
s here?"
哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物， 回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。
当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。
” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” The doctor lives downstairs "
Doctor,"
she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "
I want you to say frankly what'
s wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "
Madam,"
he said at length, "
I'
ve just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'
m an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。
” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。
第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；
第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。
第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。
” One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "
Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain'
s voice again, "
Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "
For Pete'
s sake,"
he shouted, "
If we lose another engine, we'
ll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。
但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。
只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。
” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。
但请你们相信好了。
只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。
” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
” Logic Reasoning A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "
Here is the situation,"
she said. "
a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can'
t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "
to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。
她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。
于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。
他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。
谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg ation. "
All who want to go to heaven，please rise."
Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "
Be seated"
, the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "
All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "
Well, sir,"
he said, "
I don'
t know what we'
re voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
瞌睡者 牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。
一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。
于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。
”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。
在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。
看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。
这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。
” THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "
Sex"
had been spelled with an "
o"
. One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "
Sox"
: "
Usually brown."
某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。
一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。
” [注] 英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。
When the young waitress in the café in Tom'
s building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "
Are you single?"
"
Why, yes,"
Tom replied, smiling at her broadly. "
So is my mom,"
she said. "
Would you like to meet her?"
约会 在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。
汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。
一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。
于是汤姆走了过去。
她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。
“我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？” But the teacher cried The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother'
s loving arms. When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "
Was school all right?"
she asked, "
Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"
Cry?"
John asked. "
No, I didn'
t cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老师哭了 六岁的约翰娇生惯养。
他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。
这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。
他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。
他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？” “哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
” A Smart Housewife. A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "
That'
ll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"
精明的家庭主妇 一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。
她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？” Only cash and credit cards When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people. "
Do you take children?"
the man asked. "
No, sir,"
replied the clerk. "
Only cash and credit cards."
只算现金和信用卡 一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
“小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
“不算，先生。
”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。
” Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "
It'
s all right,"
said a gentleman, "
don'
t be afraid. Don'
t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don'
t bite?"
"
Ah, yes,"
answered the little boy. "
I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。
’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "
Look,"
said the elder brother. "
How nice these paintings are!"
"
Yes,"
said the younger, "
but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "
Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。
”Do you think it'
s the light that'
s attracting them? Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes'
wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "
What d'
ya want me to do, Doctor? "
"
Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!"
the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. "
Mike, you'
re the proud father of a fine strapping boy."
"
Saints be praised, I..."
Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "
Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike."
Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "
You'
ve a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"
Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "
Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!"
Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the baby for Mike'
s inspection. "
Doctor,"
asks Mike, "
Do you think it'
s the light that'
s attracting them?"
The poor husband"
You can'
t imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife,"
the man complained to his friend. "
She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。
”I Wasn'
t Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "
Wake up, sir!"
"
I wasn'
t asleep,"
the man answered. "
Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"
I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。
售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。
”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。
”。
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